What To Do If You Feel Like A Failure

Failure comes with many repercussions. Sometimes people just don’t mind but at other times failure may be very impactful. Losing, failing or coming up short once in a while is normal. Repeated failures are also surprisingly common but the problem is when this happens some people may start classifying themselves as failures. Not only is this sweeping generalization often based on horrible evidence, it can also be emotionally burdensome to feel like an all-around failure.

Why do I feel like a failure?

If you ask yourself this question it likely stems from the mentality and views you have about yourself and your life. If you have a certain ideal or ideals in mind and you place large emphasis on these then you are more likely to feel like a failure if things don’t go as planned. You place importance on events in your life as you see fit. Thus, if you feel like a failure then the best way to get out of it is to change your thinking patterns and employ strategies to challenge this.

Ways to deal with feeling like a failure

1. Analyze failures and successes

Look at your failures in life and then look at some of your successes. You should be focusing on the successes much more than on your failures because they actually define you more. Review your failures only if you seek to put them in context but focus on accomplishments. Now, some may argue that they don’t have any successes in life but this is almost 99% false. Really it’s probably 100% false but let’s leave 1% there anyways.

Success can be something small that you barely even notice. This is why overlooking successes is easy. Think about it, though. Have you ever finished reading an article or book? Have you ever memorized a cool fact? Have you ever scored in a basketball net? Have you ever even gotten to sleep on time or woken up and made yourself breakfast? These seemingly minute accomplishments are actually successes. Even if you couldn’t say yes to any of those questions there most likely is something you’ve done that could be classified as a success. There are people out there who strive for the things you might take for granted, so learn to appreciate even the most basic of successes.

2. Learn from failure, don’t feel hampered by it

Avoid getting into any habit where you find yourself wallowing in self-pity over failure. If you experience a failure (or several of them) then you should take that as a chance to learn how to avoid repeating the same mistake(s). Review the shortcoming in your head without attaching any emotion to it. What went wrong? What went right? What can be done to prevent the wrong from happening again? Remember, if you came out of a failure then it’s over now, and the best course of action is to start focusing on the future.

3. Understand that many people fail (and they bounce back)

You’re not the only person who failed. Hopefully you didn’t think you were. Many others have failed in life and they might’ve even taken failures bigger and worse than your biggest one. Despite that, many of them find a way to recover and get back to trying even if it means more failures. If you are comparing yourself only to other peoples’ successes than of course the results are going to be skewed against you. But always remember that the majority of people in the world have failed before so you are in good company if you did too.

4. Don’t make failure a big deal

It very often isn’t. Most (maybe even all) failures you might encounter in life probably don’t mean much in the grand scheme of things. The world and the universe it is in are so vast and complex that you not passing a test, losing a hockey game or failing at whatever are not that important. Looking at it like this truly reveals how miniscule your failures probably are. Yes, there are large and costly failures and these should be avoided. But if you tried your best and gave it your all then get over it and move forward.

5. Practice to build talents and focus on progress

Dedicate your time to practicing the things you want to be good at. If you have anger or any excess energy that comes from you feeling like a failure then direct this to improvement. This will increase the chance of success and help you do something with your emotions.

Don’t get it wrong, however –just because you practice and fine-tune your skills does NOT guarantee you success of any kind. It increases your chances of success, sure, but no person on this earth is guaranteed success in every single thing that they do regardless of how much they practice. The point here is to use your energy wisely and minimize (not eliminate) the chance of failure.

What you should focus on here is the progress, not the outcome. As long as you practiced, as long as you feel like you got better or improved somewhat then no matter the outcome, you have succeeded in your own way.

6. Cool your expectations down

If you feel like a failure, this is probably coming from your expectations. You may have set ideals for yourself and not met them. And now you could be finding yourself stuck in a hard time because of the emotional reaction this brought with it. Or maybe you expect your life to be a certain way and it’s not. Regardless, expectations are the source of most feelings of failure and you should step in to control them. More likely, your expectations are excessive or ridiculous. Tone them down a little bit and try to set realistic goals that you can easily accomplish. Grow them gradually from there if you’d like.

7. Get over your fear of failure

Fear of failure is a common fear and for some it can prevent them from realizing their full potential. This then makes them feel even more like failures. Try to get out of this vicious cycle by overcoming any fear anxiety you have. Consider getting professional help but first try resolving it yourself by changing self-talk, employing the strategies discussed here and gradually exposing yourself to more (not costly) failures. Learn to view it as something that just happens when it does so that the risk of failure is not a cause of distress for you.