How To Develop Thick Skin

Having thick skin can be a game-changer. We constantly live with the possibility of dealing with agitation from others. This doesn’t mean the world is a scary place. Quite the opposite, the world is full of decent people who are not problematic.

The risk does exist, though. There are all sorts of offensive situations you could potentially find yourself in. This could be at school, work, home, or even out in public.

Having thick skin in these situations can help you control your feelings and reactions. While we should never let someone’s words bother us, if you feel that you are bothered by what others say then developing thick skin might benefit you.

What does it mean to have thick skin?

Having thick skin in an emotional sense doesn’t mean you literally have thick skin on your body (although you could, I guess). When referring to metaphorical thick skin, it means that someone is not easily affected or bothered by the words of others.

What’s said to them doesn’t easily bother them (if at all). They are not sensitive to insults or critiques.

In other words, someone with thick skin is not easily offended.

Why is having thick skin a good thing?

Having thick skin can help with your mental well-being. Getting easily offended if others insult or criticize you can end up harming you significantly.

It might start bothering you and negatively impacting your ability to function. It may also cause you to react in a foolish way – one that may land you in trouble or in a worse situation then you would’ve been had you just stayed quiet.

In its own way, having thick skin is like forming a protective bubble around your mind. Not letting it be easily harmed by what others say is ultimately good for you!

Ways to develop thick skin

Here are some effective ways to develop thick skin and build emotional resilience to insults and criticism.

1. Realize the intentions could be good

Okay, it’s not necessarily always the case, but it can happen. Not everyone insults or criticizes with good intentions. Really it’s hard to tell what someone’s intentions are unless they tell you upfront (and even then they could be lying).

What this advice is really about is understanding that there is a possibility (key word being possibility) that the other person had good intentions. I’m not saying they do for sure nor will every situation come with good intentions. But this is something to consider.

This is one of the many reasons why (regardless of if intentions are good or not) you should always respond to offensive comments with class.

I want to reiterate the fact that you may not know for sure what the intentions are. The idea is just that we have to keep the possibility that the intentions are good in mind (even if they’re not).

2. Don’t give it too much thought

Sometimes it’s not just the criticism or insult that could be getting you. You might be the type of person who has a habit of overthinking what people say.

When you take something that was already offensive and you start ruminating about it, you‘re giving it more power over you than it should have. Don’t let your thoughts take your mind down a dark path.

Even if something someone said was hideously offensive or emotionally hurtful, don’t sit there constantly thinking about it.

If you notice that you’re stuck thinking about something that offended you, force yourself to stop. Immediately take control over your thoughts and move on to something else.

You don’t have to resist the thought, just don’t give it time or attention. Let it come and go.

If you feel your heart start racing and your mind going off track, ground yourself and relax. Switch topics and move to something more important.

Like yourself, for example. Which brings us to our next point.

3. Focus on yourself

When something is occupying your mind, one of the more useful things you can shift your attention to is yourself. I don’t mean being conceited, I mean focusing on being a better you.

Redirect your attention from what others say to what you want to do for yourself. Focus on what you want to accomplish. What do you want to do to succeed? Use your mental energy to improve yourself not think about what others say.

It’s important to make clear that I’m not saying you need to work on yourself for other people – when I say focus on yourself, I mean get on a self-improvement journey so you can be proud of who you are. Don’t do it for others, do it for you.

4. Practice

This piece of advice can be taken in many ways. Practice not thinking about it, not letting it bother you, dealing with tough situations, and how you plan to react intelligently. In general, practice having thicker skin.

Practice your facial expression when getting insulted or receiving criticism in a mirror. You could also practice with someone your trust and have them give you their opinion about how you reacted. Take some time to be alone and train how you would react to these tough situations.

Learn to take what other people say and remain poised. You may also want to run through (and write down) some potential responses that are respectful but firm.

Remember, if you choose to respond, it should be calm and non-escalatory but also strong. However do remember that you don’t need to respond.

5. Stop caring!

Caring is, to some degree, a choice. While living a completely careless life is overboard, caring about what others say is (on the other end) unnecessary. It can be a voluntary stressor that you needlessly take on, and probably will gain nothing from.

Not caring is something that may be easier said than done for some people, but it is possible. You may need to teach yourself how to not care and practice being more dismissive. But not caring is a long term solution that can help when dealing with everything from mild insults to people who are just plain bullies.

Use your willpower to not let these things affect you emotionally. Make the choice to either forgive or simply accept and move on. Live your life regardless of what others may say to you or about you.