What To Do If You Are A Pushover

What is a pushover?

A pushover is a person who is easily influenced or controlled by someone else. This person may be unable to stand up for themselves and may be taken advantage of as a result of this.

Why would someone be a pushover?

People who are pushovers often lack the ability to stand up for themselves because they want to avoid conflict or they simply do not want to hurt another person’s feelings. They could also just be susceptible to manipulation by others.

Pushovers often just take the path of compliance regardless of whether or not this is actually in their favor. While doing nice things for people and avoiding tense situations is cautious and intelligent, one must also be able to set boundaries and uphold them so as to decrease the chances that they will be taken advantage of.

Ways to stop being a pushover

If you feel that you are a pushover, here are some strategies to get out of this state.

1. Notice when/if you’re being taken advantage of

The first step in getting over your pushover tendencies should be identification. Recognize when you are too compliant for someone else’s requests or demands. Identify any patterns you may notice as well. For example, perhaps you are specifically a pushover at work in general, or maybe when it comes to certain tasks. Pattern recognition can help you better understand where, why and how you can improve.

2. Avoid people who take advantage of you

This one isn’t the best advice because it may not always be possible but it is worth mentioning if it’s an option for you. You may not be able to avoid certain people due to personal reasons but whenever you can avoid the people who constantly seem to make you feel like you are being pushed around then do so. Do also remember, though, that some people may not overstep out of malice but instead lack of awareness. Consider carefully how/if you want to avoid someone(s) if you choose to do so.

3. Practice not being a pushover

So if you’ve noticed some patterns (and even if you haven’t) you can start envisioning situations where you being compliant against your own best wishes might arise. These situations can then be analyzed from a fresh perspective, where you consider what you could’ve or could do in order to not be a pushover. You can practice ways to say no, ways to refuse, ways to do what’s best for you, all in your head. Also try practicing in front of a mirror. This is a great way to prepare for future situations that might arise.

4. Stand up for yourself in a polite yet firm way

Some people may try taking advantage of you with bad intentions, but still some people may not notice if they are overdoing it. You should avoid overreacting or disrespecting someone when sticking up for yourself (especially someone who otherwise cares for you). Standing up for yourself is okay but not in a manner that makes you the bully. Learn polite yet firm ways to refuse requests, reject people and make it clear that you will do what’s best for you. This is very situational so you may need to practice doing this so you can fine tune your wording and speaking style. Eventually, though, you should have a firm grasp on how you will approach situations where you feel you are being metaphorically pushed around.

5. Set firm boundaries

You should know how much is too much. Consider if you did the something to someone else. Would you feel ashamed, embarrassed or feel like you are overstepping? If the answer is yes then the other person should be held to the same standard. Know what you are not willing to tolerate and know what is not okay for you. These boundaries can assist you in deciding what situations warrant standing up for yourself. These boundaries must be clear and they must also remain uncompromised except in extreme situations. A boundary is a boundary and don’t change your mind or make concessions to it for silly reasons.

6. Build self-esteem

Sometimes being a pushover stems from not having enough self-esteem to set boundaries or enforce them. Some pushovers might feel they are not even capable of enforcing their limits. A good start here is to recognize your worth and the fact that you can enforce your boundaries. Remain confidentially firm and recognize your potential and your ability to do what is best for you. You do have value, you do have a right to do what’s best for you and you do not need to always make people feel good at the expense of your own well-being.

7. Build independence

Independence comes from self-reliance, self-esteem and finding joy in being by yourself. When you feel dependent on other people there is a good chance this will translate into push-over tendencies. Meaning you might comply with people’s requests or demands because of your reliance on them. Building independence means finding happiness alone (not isolating yourself, just being happy when alone). It means you do not need to be with anyone, but if you are opting to be with someone then you chose to be with them. When you feel more independent this can make you less of a pushover.