Ways To Stop Being Toxic In Relationships

A relationship should be a based on mutual agreement; you and your partner should both feel understood. Maintaining peace in your relationship should be the main goal. If you or your partner feel hurt or stressed out by the dynamics of your relationship, there is a good chance one of you is a toxic partner.

How to not be toxic in relationships

If you are the toxic partner you can take action to resolve this. Being a toxic person is harmful in almost any type of relationship (romantic or otherwise). For this reason, if you feel you have toxic tendencies in your relationship, consider the advice here. Here are some ways to stop being toxic in relationships.

1. Change your thought patterns

The way you think about and approach life (in general) and your relationship in specific is critical for defining how you act in it. Perhaps you tend to have controlling thought patterns or you view your relationships as wars rather than partnerships. Maybe you have some sort of distorted view of yourself or the world that is messing up how you behave. Try to stay aware of any toxic thought patterns you may have and work towards countering them with more healthy and less toxic thoughts.

2. Control your emotions

If you are hyper-emotional, this could very well be a cause behind toxic habits. You might feel intense emotions and feel them too quickly (emotional reactivity) and this forces you to act in toxic ways. This is no excuse, but it is an explanation. Finding ways to regulate and intelligently deal with emotions can improve the quality of a relationship. The goal here is not to become emotionless but instead be able to tame the intensity of emotions and handle them in socially acceptable ways (i.e. talking about it or learning to forgive and move on).

3. Apologize and make changes for good

Apologizing should be somewhat of a last resort. Try to apologize for the wrongs you may have committed in the past. Make sure your apology is genuine but remember not to expect forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a right and it is up to your partner whether they forgive you or not. When you do apologize, though, make changes for good. Don’t apologize just to say it but act on it to make it more meaningful. Remember, though, apologizing is like trying to fix something that’s broken –sometimes it works, other times it doesn’t and sometimes fixing it won’t make it like it was before.

4. Resolve any inner troubles (trauma, anxiety, narcissism, etc.)

Your inner traumas or troubles can reflect outwards by causing you to treat others in toxic ways. Maybe you are stressed due to past trauma or maybe you just have anxieties and worries about something and you lash out. Inner troubles can cause outer troubles. The fix? Deal with these immediately (if possible before entering a relationship) by resolving them. Don’t self-medicate, treat! Mental health issues can be resolved and coped with and this can help eliminate toxic tendencies.

5. Analyze and change your behavior

What toxic behaviors do you have? What is it that makes you think you are toxic? Notate these on paper and write out corresponding ways to change them. For example, if you determine that you have a habit of constantly shifting blame onto your partner for your own mistakes then you can implement a change which includes you taking responsibility more often and acknowledging your faults. Toxic behaviors usually have their respective non-toxic alternatives which you can implement in your relationship to change the dynamics.

6. Understand and become receptive to your partner’s feelings

If your partner clearly expresses an unfavorable opinion about your behavior then this should be an automatic push for you to make a change. Remember to follow through with this reasonably, though, because sometimes the other person may be making ridiculous or toxic requests themselves. You should really use fair judgement here and consider things from the other perspective –how would you feel if someone did to you what you were doing? Be receptive and open to criticism or feedback. Consider your partner’s opinions and put in real and tangible effort to change.

7. Ask your partner for advice

Similarly, something you could ask your partner if they feel you are toxic and what they feel makes you this way. This is, of course, if you see that your circumstances allow you to speak openly. If they genuinely express how they feel you must be careful not to argue them but show receptivity (especially if you ask). You can explain what makes you act a certain way and maybe they’ll understand, but change should be your main goal. If something doesn’t sit right with them then make efforts to change or stop the behavior to be more accommodative.