What To Do If You Are Rude | Tips For Decreasing Rude Behaviors

Being rude is, rude. Most people avoid being around someone who is not very nice to them. Rude people are more likely to struggle with making or keeping friends, maintaining romantic relationships and even getting along with family. The effects of being a rude person have the potential to reach extreme heights.

People generally want to feel well-liked and being rude is not an efficient way to reach this goal. Still, though, rude people are not always at fault. This can apply to you if you are rude or apply to other people who might be rude to you. Someone may have had a bad day, they may have gone through a tough time, they may have been mistreated and they push back by being more unpleasant. Is it fair to the recipient? No, but this just showcases that we should not always blame rude people for their actions. It’s true that some people are just plain rude and just bad people but let’s not bother in those cases.

How to stop being rude

If you feel that you are a rude person and you want to stop being this way then you at least have the presence of mind to notice and want to change. Here are some tips for you if you feel that you’re impolite, rude or disrespectful:

1. Consider that you may not actually be rude

It is possible that you perceive yourself as being ruder than you actually are. You experience your own life so you may say or do something that you perceive as rude when it’s actually not that bad. This may not be the case, sure, but it is something you might want to consider. To determine if you are truly rude, consider number 2 on this list.

2. Pay close attention to how you speak and what you say

Next time you are having a conversation with someone (even if a small and casual one) try to notice how you speak and what you say. Is your tone rude? Are your words impolite? Do you have an uninviting demeanor overall? If you notice any of these things then that should tell you enough. Consider how you’d feel if you were treated in the same manner. If you’d feel disrespected or offended then yes, you are being rude.

The next thing to notice is specifically what about your tone, your words or your overall demeanor come off as rude (if indeed they are). Notice your choice of words that you feel make a statement unpleasant, for example. Make mental notes of these and work on changing your habits to decrease rude behavioral mannerisms.

3. Reflect on and change rude habits

Once you know what (if anything) makes you a rude person then you should begin to work on changing these habits in order to change as a whole. If you know the way you said something came off as offensive, for example, then practice saying it in other ways. Learn to control facial expressions and body language as those matter for how other perceive you as well.

Also important is your choice of words and your tone. If you notice that you’ve chosen words that might come off as rude then try to find alternative ways to say things. Saying things politely is tone (which is important) but saying the right phrases is also crucial. Learn ways to position negative things positively, for example. Try to use less extreme language. Search up synonyms for words and try to find more pleasant, less aggressive ways to say the same thing.

4. Set the bar higher (be more nice)

If you constantly feel like you’re rude then set a higher standard for yourself when it comes to being well mannered. Expect yourself to be extra nice to people so that even if you fall short you are more likely to succeed. Be careful, though, because it is possible to have too much of a good thing here. If you are excessively nice then this might come off as weird or creepy. Set the bar high, yes, but also keep yourself under control. Think of some moderate ways you can go above and beyond in terms of friendliness and apply those in your interactions with others.

5. Think before you speak

For some people rudeness comes not from genuinely bad intentions but rather a lack of thinking. It is possible you do not think things through before you say or do them and so you come off as rude. Try to take a moment to think before you act or speak. Truly consider the repercussions of your choices and before you act ask yourself if this is something a nice person would do. Also, think about how others would perceive your behavior, which brings us to the next tip.

6. Think of how others might feel

What makes you rude or not rude is how others feel about the things you do. One of the best ways to detect rude behaviors and resolve them is by considering how you might make others feel. Think of how whatever you may want to say or do would affect another person emotionally. Different people react different ways, I know, but it’s still possible to understand what others are likely to feel. Would you like someone to treat you the way you treat others? If the answer is no then you should automatically know that a change in your approach is necessary.

7. Apologize!

If you are rude, even slightly, consider apologizing as a way to counter what you did or said. An apology can go a long way in making a bad situation better. Be careful with this tip, however. You should remember that apologizing will not fix every serious transgression. Forgiveness can also be superficial and disingenuous; the person may say they forgive or pretend to forgive but in reality they are still holding on to what was done. Consider apologizing like breaking something and fixing it. It might work after the repair but some things cannot be fixed and others still we might fix but they are not the same as they once were. Apologizing is a last resort that should accompany genuine change.