Ways To Stop Being Possessive In Relationships

While possessiveness may not seem like a big deal in relationships, the reality is being overly possessive can actually harm bonds. Being possessive can push your partner away or scare them because you might display behaviors that could be inappropriate. Sometimes possessiveness can lead to an end for a relationship that was otherwise healthy.

Being possessive is the extreme of a more tamed mentality. It’s okay to expect loyalty from a partner and want them to give you love and attention. However, it’s important that these feelings exist only in moderation. What this means is you can want those things but you should not want them to the point where your behavior becomes controlling or paranoid.

You should also be able to cope with your feelings and recover in the event your desires are not meant. I.e. if you get cheated on that would not be fair but it does not mean you need to overreact. You should be able to take it maturely and recover.

How to stop being possessive in relationships

If you feel that you are too possessive in your relationship then you ought to take action to give your partner space. Here are some things to do if you are too possessive with your romantic partner:

1. Don’t show possessiveness

One of the biggest problems with possessiveness is that when it shows it can cause your partner to feel uncomfortable or (worse) unsafe. This can put a major rift in your relationship and create the ideal conditions for separation. Also, you make yourself appear insecure and emotionally immature when you are unable to allow your partner freedom.

Do not be controlling or show too much jealousy. If needed, act like you don’t see something happening every now and then. Maybe your partner does something that makes you feel insecure, just ignore it and avoid acknowledging it. Eventually you may even find yourself genuinely not caring; faked it till you made it.

Not showing your possessiveness would help here but it is important to add this disclaimer. Do not rely simply on hiding your feelings rather than finding healthy ways to cope with and control them. Hiding your feelings might be good for the relationship but it still does not fully resolve the problem, which is why following the other tips here is important.

2. Create reasonable distance but stay emotionally available

A relationship will usually require some level of love, care and attention. Taking a completely dismissive approach may end up leading to the end of a relationship much like a possessive one. Balance is important, but keeping a distance may help you not feel like you need to be overly possessive.

The strategy here is to avoid seeing the person once in a while. Do something you like on your own. Avoid a phone call or text for a longer period of time than you are used to. Again, nothing extreme to the point where you look like you just don’t care or are cheating. Just have some thoughts in your mind that keep you busy and are not related to your partner.

3. Expect the worst and hope for the best

The worst in this context means the end of the relationship or finding out your partner was cheating. Don’t freak yourself out but do accept the worst case scenarios and possibilities. Is it pessimistic? Yes, a little bit. But remember this is also an excellent strategy long term because, if you are already mentally and emotionally prepared for the worst case scenario, then it’s harder for you to be hurt if it plays out. If you implement this strategy successfully one of two things can happen: either you thought wrong (which is great) or you’ll be right but you’d be resilient enough to tolerate and move on.

4. Talk to your partner

If you are feeling down because of something your partner did or if you feel a certain way, consider talking to your partner. Let them know what’s on your mind and have a discussion with them. Remember, only do this if you are comfortable and be very calm and receptive with your approach. Do not complain to your partner, discuss with them. Note that this can be harmful to the relationship if you do not have a comfortable dynamic. So only do this if you see it is fit.

5. Do not snoop

Don’t constantly go searching for things that might hurt your feelings. Use your willpower to resist giving into the urge of searching or snooping. It is important to just let things be. Start doing this so that (ideally) you will build a habit of not snooping. Being invasive can also come off as far too controlling and overbearing. Take a deep breath, fight any urge you may have to explore and focus your mind on something more useful to you.

6. Accept their right to do what they wish

Ultimately, unless you’re dating yourself, your partner is an individual separate from you who has every right to act and do as they please. You have no intrinsic right to control them. Accept that your partner is free to do as they wish and the better thing to do is to simply hope they will act in our interest but accept the fact that they may not. If they do not act the way you want them to that is okay; simply accept and move on.

7. Do not grow too attached

Being too attached to a partner can very easily turn into a disaster. You cannot fixate your life and your attention on another person and especially not to the point where you become overly possessive. This is a maladaptive personality trait, but there are ways that you can decrease attachment to others.

Read this article if you want to check out some of the ways you can be less attached.