How To Decrease Emotional Dependence

Emotional dependence occurs when someone relies on another person or other people to feel validated, happy or content. Emotionally dependent people struggle to or simply cannot find these on their own because they need someone to help them feel this way.

The problem with emotional dependence is it relies on the whims of another person. This can cause problems if the other person hurts the emotionally dependent party whether purposefully or not. Being emotionally dependent can cause others to create distance because they feel smothered or off-put by the needy behavior. This can be a problem in romantic relationships, friendships or any kind of social linkage.

Ways to deal with being emotionally dependent

If you are an emotionally dependent person it is best to find a way to move past this trait as it can be a real dampener on quality of life. Here are some things to do if you are an emotionally dependent person.

1. Own your happiness

Your happiness is yours. Don’t convince yourself that other people have a right to control it. Do not give others control over this very internal emotion. Keep your happiness under your control. By giving the right of control over your happiness to another person you are leaving it dependent on their whims. Purposefully or not, there is a possibility others can destroy your joy if it is connected to them or their actions. Find ways to achieve happiness on your own terms, within your own mind.

2. Don’t be too attached to anyone or anything

Attachment can mean anything from constantly needing another person’s presence, to needing their validation, to feeling emotionally distraught if they threaten to or actually leave your life. Attachment is dangerous  because it too leaves you at the mercy of other people. It is yet another way others can control your inner peace with their action or lack thereof.

The solution here is to learn ways to create distance and not be affected by it. Practice distancing yourself from other people if you feel that you are too attached to them. Get used to not talking to someone for a few days, take longer to reach out to them, keep a distance physically by avoiding them once in a while. This applies mostly to love interests but can apply to others as well. Make sure to keep it moderate otherwise you may appear disinterested or rude.

3. Use willpower to create distance

As discussed, keeping distance is a big way to resolve attachment. But what is the best way to create and keep distance? Willpower is most often the best trick. It might be hard to detach from someone and keep away from them. Your mind may not be so easily willing to simply give in to your demand for distance. You may require some willpower in order to begin distancing yourself and then to keep yourself from closing the distance.

Hold yourself back from texting, phoning, going to see the person, etc. Give it your 110% as long as you need to in order to minimize attachment. Remember, you don’t need to go too extreme here. Unless your goal is to completely exit the person’s life, your strategy should be to create distance as much as what’s needed to avoid excessive attachment without appearing to end the relationship.

4. Practice being emotionally independent

Emotional independence is a skill and, just like most other skills, you can build it and get better by practicing. Learn to be more emotionally independent by practicing ways to take your mind off of your attachment(s), by practicing being far from people you are attached to, and by repetition (keep doing this to get better at it).

5. Learn to depend on yourself

Depending on yourself is a great way to decrease emotional dependence on others. You should be in control of your own mind and life. Depending on yourself should include a strategy to build your confidence and self-sufficiency to help you become more independent. Having self-esteem makes it less likely that you will depend on others for validation, approval and happiness.