Tame Your Ego: 5 Strategies To Control Your Ego If It Is Out Of Control

Of all the things that can hold you back in your life, your ego is probably one of the most obstructive ones. The more fragile of an ego you have, the less likely you are to succeed in a world that overall cares very little about your ego. When we are obsessed with these human made concepts of pride and self-absorption, we expend mental energy on something that will likely offer us very little in return for our efforts.

Look back at your life and ask yourself if you’ve missed chances, wasted time or wasted energy for your sense of self-importance. If you feel like your ego has cost you then you are not alone because it sure is costly. This isn’t to say that we need to abolish any sense of self-confidence we have and walk around ashamed of everything we think or do. Our efforts should be directed at taming the ego, not abolishing it. Sometimes your ego actually helps by way of pushing you to improve and succeed. Other times, though, it proves counterproductive because of how much it forbids you from taking steps towards your own betterment.

Ways to control your ego

So how can we subdue our egos to minimize the risk of damage on our well-being and forward movement?

1. Put ego into perspective

I mean what is the point of ego anyway? Asking this question usually brings to light how useless ego truly is. If you’re ever faced with an event where you feel like your ego has been bruised you should be asking yourself why it matters. Typically we can produce an answer but it’s a meaningless one.

For example, say you slip and fall in front of a group of people and they laugh. Rude? Yes. But why does it matter? People were watching? There is really no good reason to care about what that likely irrelevant group of people think about us at that brief moment in time when we happened to slip and fall. What are they going to do? Will they post it on the news? Even if they did that wouldn’t matter because I would hope the news will eventually have something more important to cover than any person (regardless how famous they may be) slipping and falling. If people talk about it then it will likely eventually lose relevance. And even if things are crazy enough and it doesn’t lose relevance, why do you care?

The point here is your sense of self need not be defined by what others feel, think or say about you. That is their business and to you all that should matter is carrying on with life and not wasting your time worrying about minute things.

2. Consider how long something will matter

If it affects your ego, how long does it matter? Tip number 1 focused on viewing it on a larger scale in terms of value, but here try to view things in terms of time. If you feel your ego has been bruised, ask yourself if whatever you are dealing with will matter in 5 minutes, one hour, a day, a month or a year. Few occurrences in your life should matter to you beyond 1 week, let alone a year or more. This is even more true when the effect an incident has on you is only in the form of hurting your ego. 

Liking someone who doesn’t like you back may hurt but in reality few unrequited love stories last for a whole year. You will most likely get over what’s-their-name quickly and move on. Not winning a competition you trained hard to succeed in may also feel crumby but, again, most of you reading this will get over it in 2 or 3 days. The moral of this long-winded story is if you don’t think it will matter far into the future then you shouldn’t dedicate much emotional energy to it in the present. Others forget and you should too.

3. Seek humility

Becoming humble does not mean turning into a version of yourself that is completely devoid of any confidence or self-esteem. Being humble means understanding that being a normal human naturally comes with limits. Part of the human experience is winning some and losing some. Not everyone is born able to win at whatever game they play. Whether you come in first place or last place doesn’t matter. Humility is about being able to accept where you are and what you’ve accomplished and lose gracefully if you are ever faced with defeat.

Part of this is acceptance. Be okay with your circumstances (your wins and losses) and live life despite them. Make efforts to seek happiness no matter where you are and what situation you find yourself in. This is one of the best strategies not only for curbing your ego but also for seeking happiness in general.

4. Detach your worth from outcomes out of your control

We have a tendency as people to view our value in terms of what we’ve accomplished. Getting a promo at work can make you feel good but not getting it can induce negative feelings. If someone seems to have nicer belongings than you, you may start to feel that they have more value than you. This stems from the ego. The solution to this is to detach yourself from all of the competitive outcomes and physical possessions that many people use as an indicator of worth. It shouldn’t matter if you lose if you just don’t care.

5. Focus on others

Our friends and family, even strangers, can be great mediums for helping divert our ego away from our self to something much more important. Try to subdue your self-importance while treating others with importance. This doesn’t mean being a pushover or doing whatever people demand of you even if it goes against your wishes. What this does mean is reframing your ego to feel fulfilled by your favorable treatment of others. Spend time with your family and be there for them. Donate to food banks. Call a friend you might have been away from for a long time. Look for ways to turn your ego outwards to view the world in a manner less centered around you. Remember to be easy on yourself and take time for you in the process. Don’t sacrifice more than you can handle in favor of others.