How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone

Having your life revolving around any one person is wrong. Independence and self-reliance are better for you than hyper-fixation on one person. However, sometimes (and this mostly occurs when we are infatuated with someone) people can develop obsessions over another person. Obsessing over someone can be very unhealthy.

Even if someone seems to reciprocate how you feel about them, this does not mean that it is okay to be obsessed. Obsession, by its very definition, is excessive – it is too much of a certain thing. Ergo, even if you’re obsessed with someone who seems like the right person to be obsessed with, the reality is it still presents the possibility of being problematic.

How to tell if you are obsessed with someone

You can tell if you are obsessed with someone if you spend far too much time thinking about them and you struggle to take your mind off of them. If the thought of someone repeatedly seems to occupy your mind, even without a reminder, then you are likely obsessed. You may talk about the other person excessively, feel overly emotional about anything related to them and (in more extreme cases) exhibit stalking or controlling behaviors.

What to do if you are obsessed with someone

The symptoms of obsession have the potential to be mentally draining and destructive on you and the recipient. Keep in mind that you might also be inflicting pain on the other person, which isn’t fair to them. Here are some strategies to deal with being obsessed over someone if this is something you struggle with:

1. Do something that entertains and distracts you

Try to have fun; enjoy yourself and stay focused on something other than your obsession. It would be even better if you could find an activity that challenges your mind so you have something to fully occupy your thoughts. Consider chess or playing a challenging video game.

2. Find a new (non-human) obsession

One of the things you can distract yourself with is a new obsession that is not a person and is healthy or beneficial. Make sure it meets both of those requirements because there is no point in obsessing over someone else nor is it much better if you begin to obsess over something that costs you your health or your time.

Your obsession should be a useful hobby. Maybe obsess with a field you are interested in or in building your knowledge in a new field. Learn a new skill(s) or find anything that helps you grow as a person. These can be surprisingly effective at curing obsessions because many people find that they enjoy working on themselves more than focusing on another person.

3. Bore yourself of them

Consider setting aside a few minutes every day where you do nothing but think about the person you’re obsessed with. Maybe 10 to 15 minutes. Do not pull up pictures or stalk them on social media (or elsewhere) during this time. Instead, sit there and just let the thoughts and emotions flow. Do you want to cry or worry about them? Do that. Don’t strengthen your emotions or try to make them stronger by feeding into them – your goal should be just letting the feelings flow.

This is a touchy one because you do not want to acclimate yourself to thinking about them. So if this strategy does not work or it makes matters worse then consider trying something else.

When you allow your brain to release emotions there is a strong chance it will get bored of them. You may even find yourself saying something along the lines of, “Ugh, I’m really not in the mood to even think of them.” Make them a responsibility rather than a source of fixation!

4. Determine and resolve the cause of your obsession

If you are indeed obsessed with someone then there is most likely a cause. This can be a mental health matter or an issue with how you view the world. It is important to determine what underlying factor(s) cause you to be susceptible to this fixation and resolve them.

This is a common one: insecurity. If you struggle with insecurities or poor self-image then you may become dependent on another person as a way to elevate your self-worth. Even if they do not reciprocate your love or infatuation of them, you build a dependency on them. Another big cause could be anxiety and an illogical fear of losing someone who your life would probably be better without.

Regardless of the cause, it is important to resolve it and rebuild your ideals for what a healthy relationship looks like. You should strive to redefine social bonds in your mind. Build on a new perspective that helps you live more independent of your obsession.

5. Limit contact and sightings of the other person

Yes, sometimes life forces you to be in the presence of certain people, but a lot of times we do have control. If you do not absolutely have to see or interact with the other person (i.e. at work or due to a living situation) then you should not be around them. Don’t even try to be around them or make excuses to yourself to justify seeing them. Simply do not allow yourself to be in their presence.

Another important point here is limiting the amount of times you see the person. Ideally, you’d make this 0 times. Try not to see them in real life at all. If you are in close proximity, avoid looking in their direction as best you can. Do not go on their social media and consider blocking them and creating a “digital distance.” You might also have picture of them. Retaining these if you already have an obsession can be unhealthy and unnecessary. Get rid of any photos you may have of them.

6. Stop the thoughts 

You may not fully have control of what thoughts just pop up in your mind and that’s okay. What’s less okay is being passive or feeding into unwanted thoughts. If it just arises, okay. However, if you then acknowledge it, add to it and/or allow yourself to willfully feed into the thought(s) then you should take action.

Make yourself stop thinking about the obsession and shift your thoughts to something else. In your head, yell “stop” and envision a stop sign. Then proceed to think of something else. Take control if you feel that you are consciously making matters worse. If it comes naturally then just acknowledge it and move on, do not contribute.

7. Focus on you more than them

Now, don’t be obsessed with yourself else you may be viewed as a narcissist or egotistical. However, feel free to focus on yourself, especially more than you focus on the other person. Focus on what you can do for you, to help you, to care for you and to be the best version of you. This is not only a much better use of your mental energy, it can also be beneficial for your life.

8. Seek counseling

Sometimes you may need the help of a professional to guide you through your obsession. It is possible to heal but you need to take action to do so. If all else fails, consider then moving on to expert help. Obsessions with other people can be emotionally burdensome.