How To Stop Being Vain: 5 Great Strategies

What makes a person vain?

Being vain means someone has high levels of pride in the way they look or the things they’ve achieved in life. Being conceited with a focus on superficial things can indicate vanity. It is not necessarily confidence but instead a fixation on and inflated sense of self-worth because of excessive admiration for oneself.

Ways to stop being too vain

If you feel you fit the definition of a vain person, consider these strategies to help yourself control this.

1. Be confident, not vain

Confidence is a positive trait. It indicates a sense of reassurance in oneself that allows them to carry themselves in a secure manner. Confidence means being aware of your pros, being comfortable with any flaws you may have but not going overboard. Vanity, on the other hand, indicates a self-absorption or self-obsession that might convince you that you’re better than others.

Being confident is a good thing so don’t hesitate to be. However, it is important to be aware of the distinction between confidence and vanity and to prevent yourself from crossing the line that separates them. Be aware of the way you act and stop yourself when you feel your thoughts or behaviors are more in line with vanity than confidence.

2. Don’t look down on others

No person is better or worse than another just because of the way they look or their accomplishments. Every person has value and we are more equal than some would think. Having a talent or an accomplishment to your name is no reason to feel better than others. If you catch yourself viewing others as lesser people, immediately switch the narrative in your mind. If you struggle to do this, just move on to thinking of something else. 

Make efforts to understand others, how they may feel and what they may be going through. Realize that anyone can go through a difficult time. If you are not that person right now this doesn’t necessarily make you better than others – you simply have the privilege of being where you are.

3. Stop caring about shallow things

Looks, money, promotions at work, and other similar “positive” traits are merely shallow accomplishments. Most people will value good character over any of these. Shallow things are just that: shallow. They’re great if you have them but not having them does not make you less.

A beautiful face can age, expensive products can become worn and torn but an act of kindness is priceless. Your value doesn’t need to be attached to anything you disconnect it from. Your value is not based on what you look like or what you accomplish. Learn to find your worth in other things that are less likely to fade (being likable, being decent, being charitable, etc.).

4. Celebrate the successes of others

Other people succeeding does not mean you can’t succeed in your own way. If someone comes in first in a contest in which you were last this doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate their success. You can learn your lesson, practice/train and try to do better at your next endeavor. However, bitterness doesn’t undo a loss. Celebrating another’s accomplishments can be surprisingly gratifying.

5. Build a humble and decent character

Your character is interconnected with the way you think. Being a decent person from the inside and letting it radiate outwards will generally control vanity. This one might be the hardest one because it requires character changes and reassessment. Basically, the goal here is to change yourself in a manner which makes you less vain. Make being vain out of character for you. How can you do something so extraordinary? Well, start by applying the other tips here. Learn to find joy in doing nice things and disconnect yourself from vain thinking patterns. Try to address narcissism if this is something you struggle with (possibly with a mental health professional). Learn to change your emotions to be more positive and maintain a positive view of the world around you.