How To Stop Being Emotionally Reactive

What is emotional reactivity?

Emotional reactivity means someone feels emotions too intensely and/or too quickly in response to a stimuli. Basically, something that seems small or that may not emotionally impact another person very much does strongly affect someone with high emotional reactivity.

Feeling and experiencing emotions is normal. Of course someone who feels things is not a problem here. The problem comes from the fact that the emotional response is disproportionate compared to its cause. That is emotional reactivity. It can impact quality of life and prove to be very maladaptive for many people. But there are ways in which emotional reactivity can be controlled or regulated.

Ways to stop being emotionally reactive

1. Count down before reacting

People who are emotionally reactive usually jump right into an emotional state after a perceived provocation or external event. There is little time between event and reaction. Putting time between stimuli and speaking, acting, or doing whatever else can be very useful for control emotional reactivity.

If ever you feel that a situation has provoked you or is making you feel any intense emotion(s) then try stopping yourself from reacting. For a few seconds (maybe 5 or 10) after you feel emotions coming on try to subdue them and hold yourself back from reacting. Remember: you shouldn’t try to not feel emotions, but instead disperse them in healthy and compassionate ways after thinking them through. Give yourself time to think through how you should actually respond and be able to react proportionally.

2. Understand you are probably overreacting

Remind yourself that your emotional response is disproportionate A, when it actually is and B as a means to make yourself aware of what you’re doing. Even when something is serious enough to warrant a strong emotional reaction, you should remain calm and use your logical thinking to find a way out of it. So when something is miniscule and probably won’t matter in a few minutes, hours or days then it is even more important to make it clear to yourself that you are not being reasonable and seek a return to emotional calmness.

3. Control impulsivity (remember your actions can have consequences)

Reacting quickly and intensely is one things but acting impulsively is a whole other. This is because our actions can have very real consequences. You might wrong someone who cares for you, embarrass yourself, make enemies or even end up hurt or in jail. Yes, you should control your emotional impulses but it is equally (and maybe more) important to control your actions. Hold yourself back from doing anything unless you absolutely have to for your own or someone else’s safety. Learn to wait and think before acting.

4. Focus on your breathing

When you experience an emotion-inducing event then a good tip is to focus on your breathing. Just focusing on the flow of your breath and the pace of your breathing should help. Try to avoid shallow breathing which you may do sub-consciously in times of stress. This can actually make you feel more stressed and overwhelmed. Remember, though, that sometimes deep breathing can make you feel bad too, so the key is to breath as your body demands. Also, if focusing on your breathing is too boring you can try focusing on anything else (internal or external) that does not make you feel strongly. Think of the ceiling, feel your hands, focus on your feet, on the ground, or whatever.

5. Understand your emotions

   Your emotions usually mean something. Granted, there are situations when people might feel things for no reason. But aside from those an emotion brought about by a certain event arose for a reason. Maybe you weren’t happy about what someone said to you because you felt it was unappreciative, or maybe you got mad at someone for being late to an important get-together. No matter what, understand what/how you feel, why you feel it, and what the best way to resolve this calmly is. Maybe you can talk to the person. Maybe you shouldn’t and you might decide to look inwards and change how you feel. I.e. if someone wrongs you, you don’t have to negotiate with them but instead you find ways to forgive and forget –get over things instead of wasting time and energy taking action.

6. Avoid triggers when you can 

   There are probably certain emotional triggers that cause your emotional reactivity. You might’ve even noticed trends of places or situations where these are most common. Now, try avoiding these as best as you can but remember it is also important to build emotional resilience. It is not always possible to avoid every possible emotionally charged situation, and sometimes they even come by surprise. You can implement this strategy but do so along with other emotional regulation techniques. Avoidance can be great for peace of mind but it should not be your only coping strategy.