How To Be More Assertive: 7 Strategies For Increasing Assertiveness

Assertiveness is an effective communication style that allows us to convey messages in a confident manner. It’s viewed as a favorable characteristic in many workplace settings and even in day-to-day life. By building assertiveness, you elevate your overall communication style and increase the chance of getting points across in a persuasive manner.

Ways to be more assertive

Here are some ways to increase assertiveness.

1. Elevate your confidence

Assertiveness will often just naturally stem from confidence. Similarly, a lack of assertiveness is often the result of low self-confidence. While strategies to elevate self-assuredness are numerous, here is a quick rundown of things you can do to increase your confidence. I should note, though, that it’s also important to go on a whole separate journey to truly elevate your confidence level if this is something your struggle with.

First, try reaffirming phrases to help elevate your self-image and self-esteem. Say “I am…” and then proceed to remind yourself of some positive thing about you. Constantly remain conscious of the things you have to be proud of and remind yourself of your capabilities and skills. Something else you can do is try walking and acting more confidently. This is not just a fake it till you make it technique. By genuinely walking with your chest puffed out, your body relaxed and your head held high you could find that you genuinely feel more confident. Careful not to go overboard so as to not look like a balloon.

2. Balance confidence with humility

Assertive people don’t have to be condescending or rude. This might not even come off as assertive anymore. Instead it may make you look bossy or conceded. This is why balancing confidence with humility is a key when trying to form the perfect conditions for becoming more assertive.

Always remember that boosting your confidence does not have to come at the expense of others. It also doesn’t have to be extreme. When you build up your self-esteem, do it to have assurance of yourself and thereby be more capable of speaking and carrying yourself assertively. The point is try to find a nice balance between confidence and humility.

3. Practice assertiveness

Assertiveness can come naturally but it is a good idea to practice it. Your body language and how you convey messages are keys to determining how assertive you look. The best way to assure your assertive persona looks and feels the way it should is by practicing before applying it with other people.

Go in front of a mirror and practice speaking and acting more assertively. Watch yourself as you practice and consider if this truly aligns with your idea of an assertive person.

Pay close attention to whether or not you appear natural. Looking like you are forcing yourself to be assertive might show around others.

The other practice method you can employ is practicing with someone you trust. Imagine some scenarios and play them out in front of this person. Ask them to give you feedback. If there is opportunity for improvement change things up and try again.

4. Don’t be aggressive

Assertiveness is a form of controlled strength. On the other end of the same spectrum is aggressiveness or bossiness. While assertiveness is often a respectable or likeable trait, aggressiveness and bossiness tend to be disliked by others. Not enough assertiveness and you then might go to the other extreme which is passiveness or weakness.

When striving to become more assertive, it’s important to control the direction you head in to avoid taking on less favorable traits. Assertiveness is a perfect medium between two other extremes that are less ideal. Remember to keep yourself aware of that at all times to maintain a balance in the way you act.

When being assertive (or even when practicing) consider how you would feel if someone behaved the same way around you. Would this be something you viewed as assertive or would you be offended by the behavior? Carry yourself in a calmly confident manner. Choose your words carefully so that they are polite but strong and impactful. This brings us to our next point.

5. Choose your words carefully

Your words convey a lot about who you are. They have the ability to demonstrate that you are assertive. The way you phrase your speech can make the difference between being passive, assertive or aggressive.

It is important to know what words you will use when trying to communicate. Choosing your words carefully so that they are a perfect embodiment of both politeness and strength should be a priority.

It’s also the combination of the words you choose that can make a difference. Adding “please” (for example) doesn’t make you too nice or passive. “Please” is a polite word that assertive people absolutely can and should use. But it’s also important to balance it with other assertive words and an assertive tone of voice so as to make sure it all combines nicely.

It’s your choice of words, how you phrase them and your tone that are the main facets of assertiveness in verbal communication. If you struggle finding the right words or phrases, use Google. Find synonyms for words if you need to and see if you can find phrases on the internet that capture what you want to achieve.

6. Keep your interests in mind

Why do you need to be assertive? Well, you may have your own reasons but very often people cite their interests as the main reason. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re self-absorbed or that you put your own interests ahead of the safety and well-being of others. But at the same time you have the right to want certain things done a certain way once in a while. As long as you take other people into consideration and you are fair then you should be fine.

Always remind yourself of the fact that being assertive is a way of prioritizing your interests. This can give motivation to be more assertive. If you absolutely need something, you have the right to at least pursue it. It doesn’t mean you are guaranteed to get it but at least you put in the effort to keep yourself in mind.

There are also rights that you have as a person. For example, you absolutely can say no to something that you feel is unreasonable. It is important to learn that if saying “no” is in your interests, this is a reason to be assertive. You also have the right to make requests assertively; although do keep in mind that people are not obligated to fulfill these requests.

7. Have an assertive voice and body language

I touched on this a bit earlier but your tone of voice deserves its own special place on this list. It’s not just what you say but how you say it. Consider practicing your tone of voice when practicing assertiveness as well. Generally, a calm voice that is at a reasonable volume (not too low, not too high) is a good choice for appearing assertive. Make sure you speak clearly and from the chest.

Body language is also a major one. Again, practicing might help here (preferably in the mirror or with someone you trust). A chest that is slightly (not too much) puffed out, a head held high, relaxed arms and shoulders as well as a calm facial expression (relaxed facial muscles); all of these can effectively convey assertiveness.