Emotionally Unavailable? Here Are Ways To Help Stop This

Being emotionally unavailable can deprive you of fully feeling emotions and experiencing complete joy, happiness, even sadness or anger. It can not only have effects on the people who struggle with it, but emotional unavailability can be an issue in relationships (causing them to become bland and boring) and even in familial relationships or friendships. Fear not, though. Being emotionally unavailable is something that can be resolved.

What to do if you are emotionally unavailable

If you struggle with being emotionally unavailable then here are some strategies for you that could help you overcome this.

1. Determine if there is a cause and solve it

Now, this is not a guarantee but it is the case most often – emotional unavailability typically has a cause. What it is depends on you and your personal experiences, so you might have to do some self-reflection in order to find out what exactly (if anything) holds you back from fully feeling. This could be a past event(s), the way you were brought up or some other factor. Often, the cause is emotional baggage, as well. No matter what the reason is, work on resolving it once you identify it.

2. Grow past emotional baggage (trauma, past experiences)

This is one of those possible causes that’s commonly cited and is a major reason behind emotional unavailability. Emotional baggage can come in the form of trauma, anxiety, fear, depression or whatever else. Having this type of emotional baggage can make feeling things fully and deeply more difficult.

Now, you may or may not need professional help here, but you should for sure resolve these issues. Consider doing your own research, as well, and seeing what steps you can take to help yourself grow past these on your own. Growth is possible but you ought to step in and help yourself to increase the probability of success. Learning ways to cope can make a huge difference in becoming more emotionally available.

3. Start allowing yourself to be emotionally available

One of the biggest factors that could very well be holding you back from being emotionally available is simply your unwillingness to allow yourself to feel and express. Try reminding yourself to ease up and be in the moment. Don’t forbid yourself from feeling or expressing because this is somewhat of a bad habit amongst many. You might be (either purposefully or not) trying to subdue emotions. You ought to make yourself aware of this habit and stop doing it if this is a problem.

4. Be patient with yourself

Whether you are growing, allowing yourself to feel or simply trying to get through emotional unavailability, you ought to be patient with yourself. Some people might get inpatient waiting for the emotional availability to show up and for the apathy to fade away. Don’t fall into this because it might take some time to grow in this area. Some days might be bad and others great. Progress doesn’t have to mean constant improvement; it can mean ups and downs as long as you develop.

5. Practice feeling and expressing feelings

Slowly but surely get your foot in the door here. Try practicing ways to more fully feel things and means by which you can express your emotions in mature yet clear ways. Start off by feeling little things and grow to feeling the more important ones. Build the mental skill of emotional availability through repetition so you can move away from being unavailable.

6. Build connections

Emotional availability is largely (if not fully) based on your interactions with other people. It is based on giving and receiving emotions in a tamed manner when you interact with a significant other, family members, friends, co-workers, etc.

Building connections can be beneficial in two ways. First, you can learn how other people interact on an emotional level; how others feel about things and how they express those feelings. You can begin to emulate these in your own way. Second, having connections allows you to practice being more emotionally available. You can put your emotional availability to the test and explore ways in which you can be a part of the social world on an emotional level.