What To Do If You Are A Perfectionist

Perfectionism is defined by the possession of ideals striving towards a state of perfection. This can be observed in essentially any task or aspect of daily life. Some people are perfectionists when it comes to school, others work, and others still are perfectionists in their hobbies and daily leisure. Perfectionism can overflow into many areas of peoples’ lives.

While perfectionists are justified to some degree in their thinking and drive for perfection, there are still limits as to how much perfectionism is beneficial for those who posses this trait. Perfectionism can range from useful and motivational to maladaptive and self-destructive. It is beneficial to us when we use it as a source of motivation –a drive that helps us improve and achieve. In contrast, it is maladaptive when it interferes with our enjoyment of life and pushes us close to or beyond our limits in order to achieve goals. Sometimes these goals are far too challenging or even unrealistic.

Advice for perfectionists

If you are a perfectionist, here are the top pieces of advice we have for you.

1. Realize being a perfectionist isn’t wrong

I mean it really isn’t. Perfectionism has such a negative connotation sometimes and it is viewed unfavorably only because it is frequently associated with crazy people who obsess over silly details. If this does occur, that is an indication perfectionism has gone too far, but it rarely ever reaches that point. Most of the time perfectionism ranges from mildly unfavorable to genuinely beneficial. In the odd few cases it does become obsessive and destructive, immediate help should be sought. If you aren’t feeling any negative effects of perfectionism in your life then be a perfectionist. Just don’t let it cause you distress.

2. Use perfectionism to push and better yourself

Perfectionism can lead people to success in many ways. It is an excellent tool when used correctly but almost everyone who used perfectionism to attain success did so by using it in moderation. They don’t let it control them. Most of them aren’t the type to obsess for 5 minutes trying to level out a crooked hanging picture. I was having a conversation with a self-described perfectionist friend once after they did poorly on a college exam. I remember very vividly how dismissive they were about the whole thing. He said at one point, “Oh, well. I tried.” That’s the mentality we need to bring to perfectionism.

Make perfectionism your driver to work hard and accomplish your goals. But make sure your goals are realistic. If they’re not, re-assess them. Maybe lowering the standard to something more achievable is better for your own peace of mind. Maybe you lower the standard and find out you should lower it more because the goals you set are still at a level that you’re not at yet. Lower them again! Set goals and raise the difficulty when you are ready, but otherwise keep your goals achievable.

3. Accept failure

Mistakes, failures, shortcomings: all of these teach valuable lessons. When we are set on a goal or ideal, it is easy to fall victim to an all-or nothing mentality. It is also easy to view not achieving that goal as disastrous. If that describes your thinking in any way then this is for you: “Stop that!”

Making mistakes, failing, coming up short, that is all part of the human experience. It is nearly impossible to live life without these. And if anybody out there has, I’d be shocked.

4. Ignore what you can

In life, one of the most important lessons is that we have to pick our battles, pick what we dedicate effort and time to. One of the keys to using perfectionism for self-gain rather than self-destruction is understanding where and when to apply it. We should always be trying to utilize our perfectionist drive in moderation, because it is possible to have too much of a good thing here. But this isn’t just about using perfectionism in moderation, it’s also about knowing where and when to put perfectionism to use.

Using perfectionism to attain a goal that means something to you or the ones you love is a great use of your time and energy. Using perfectionism to focus unsavory amounts of time on straightening out a bunch of pens is just unnecessary. This example applies to just about any minute detail someone with maladaptive perfectionist habits might focus on. The lesson here is this: ignore whatever perfectionist impulses you have that may be wastes of time or simply unimportant. This is one of the keys of avoiding self-destructive perfectionism.

5. Use self-talk to challenge toxic perfectionism

Reminding yourself of the uselessness of chasing perfectionism for unimportant matters is a great way to start ignoring these impulses. Using self-talk to remind yourself that failure is a possibility and learning to accept it can help you get out of any difficult circumstances you may be in as far as handling failure is concerned. Use self-talk to challenge toxic perfectionism through reasoning.

6. Distract yourself in healthy ways

Distraction shouldn’t be about seeking short-term pleasures. Distracting in healthy ways means reading a book, engaging in a hobby you enjoy, or spending time with friends or family. Doing these things (or whatever you love to do and find fun) can take your mind off of the fear of failure that often accompanies perfectionism. Leisure also has the added benefit of helping people loosen up even under stress.

7. Learn new things

This one relates to distracting yourself in healthy ways. By learning new things, you don’t only give yourself a way to potentially take your mind off of perfectionism. With this you also utilize your mental energy in healthy and potentially enriching ways. You move yourself forward –ideally towards a healthier perfectionist personality.

The reality is perfectionism can be both a positive and negative trait. Sometimes it’s the same one in the same person depending on the time and context. It is important for us to control it and apply strategies in our lives in order to assure we are not held back by it.