What To Do If You Are Vengeful: 7 Ways To Stop Being Vengeful

Vengefulness is a reaction (albeit a bad one) by someone as a result of a perceived injustice. It pushes people to seek revenge for this injustice. It might be caused by something that justifiably upsets you but this does not mean the desire for revenge is justifiable. Overcoming vengeful feelings does not mean what the other person did was okay, it just means you do not allow it to bother you.

Ultimately, vengefulness is usually an emotionally charged reaction to certain situations or events. So what can be done if you are too vengeful? What do you do if you are obsessed with revenge? Here are some tips if you are a vengeful person.

1. Forgive

One thing you can do is ask yourself if the other person meant to hurt you. Now, you probably won’t be able to answer this because you may not know, but there are only two possibilities. The first possibility is they did mean it. In this case, it is important to remember that others behave in all sorts of ways that we may or may not agree with. You cannot live your life based on the whims and actions of others. Ergo, just forgive and move on.

The other possibility is that they did not mean to hurt you. In this case you can simply accept what happened, forgive them and move on. Forgiveness is the most noble way to stop being a vengeful person. It is important to remember that forgiving someone doesn’t have to mean you’re happy with their actions. Forgiving others is about being okay with what happened and being able to continue with life despite it. You choose to let go of any anger, rage or sadness and move on.

2. Feel (but don’t act on) emotions 

If you feel emotions because of a perceived injustice it is important to remember your emotions come from a logical place. Regardless of whether or not the other person intended it, your feelings are yours. I’m not endorsing you act on your anger (which you shouldn’t do), but the reality is if you feel it you most likely have a reason.

Now, what you do here is feel the emotion. Take the emotion out in private. Dedicate a few minutes in your day to sit by yourself and let it run its course through you. Scream into a pillow, cry, punch your bed or do whatever else you feel would relieve you. Don’t act on your emotion because this can do harm for others and yourself. Releasing it alone, on the other hand, is an excellent way to achieve relief without consequence.

3. Do something enjoyable

Revenge? Meh, 3/10 experience. Try using the time in which you are vengeful to enjoy yourself instead. Maybe do something by yourself or with family/friends. Listen to music, dance, exercise, draw, watch something online, etc. Do something that makes you happy. If you feel the desires for revenge popping up again, acknowledge them, feel them and move back to whatever you were doing.

4. Use vengefulness to better yourself

Revenge can create a lot of negative energy. The best thing to do with this is to make it positive and put it to good use for yourself. Use the emotions associated with feelings of vengefulness for self-betterment. Turn anger into accomplishment. Try reading a book, learning a skill, cleaning the house or whatever else. An accomplishment in the face of vengeful feelings is a great end to this chapter.

5. Put it into perspective (it’s probably not a big deal)

If someone wronged you, ask yourself if this will matter in the distant future. Will it matter in a few weeks, days, months or years? Chances are you’re making a big deal out of something that really isn’t. Even things that seem huge are probably not really that serious.

Even if something truly is a big deal, in the grand scheme of life and everything around us it is small. Life is too short and ultimately you don’t have control over every little thing that happens. The universe is huge and your problems are likely small in comparison to it.

6. Remember your happiness is better than revenge

Happiness is one of the easiest ways to achieve revenge with little effort. By taking control of your own joy you are able to find peace and content despite the wrongdoings of others. With this strategy, there’s no need to risk doing something regrettable or stooping down to the level of someone who wronged you.

7. Learn from it and move on

If you’ve dealt with what you feel is an injustice you can turn this into objective data. Learn from whatever happened without getting yourself worked up over it. Separate your knowledge and understanding of the injustice from your emotions and desire for revenge associated with it. Ultimately, the goal should be to turn it into nothing but a lesson that doesn’t anger you, make you happy or anything else. You’ve simply learned and are ready to move on.