How To Stop Being Shy

If you struggle with shyness in social situations or otherwise, basic tasks like making friends, creating or developing relationships or even finding a job can seem like a struggle. There’s nothing wrong with being shy per se. In fact many people struggle with this even though they don’t show it.

Even someone who appears confident can actually have some level of shyness and even struggle with it in certain situations. Shyness is very much on a spectrum but on extremes it can be a real inconvenience. So what can be done? Well here are some strategies for dealing with shyness that might help overcome it if you feel you are a shy person.

Ways to stop being shy

Overcoming shyness and becoming more confident might take some time. For many people, this is a process rather than an event. Allow yourself to develop your confidence and slowly control shyness.

Here are some ways to decrease shyness.

1. Start with small social situations

A good way to overcome shyness is to practice socializing in low stakes and small social gatherings. Don’t expect yourself to give a speech at a crowded wedding if you get self-conscious ordering food. So let’s take it small step by small step. Try striking up a small conversation with a cashier about the weather. Make eye contact with someone while you speak to them and practice using your language skills. If you are at an event with many people, practice being relaxed and navigating the environment.

2. Practice confident behaviors

Start by defining what confidence is to you. Once you know what your ideal looks like, try implementing confident behaviors on your own terms. You can start off by practicing confident body language and mannerisms in a mirror with no one around. Then move on to practicing with other people during conversation. Basically begin to slowly incorporate confident behaviors into your personality.

Something that could also help is learning from other people who appear confident (TV show personalities, politicians, etc.). Try to learn from them and emulate their behavior to get an idea of what mannerisms you should incorporate into your own personality.

3. Stay calm in social settings

Getting flustered or nervous in social situations could be a major reason why you struggle with shyness. A rapid heart rate and a sudden fear of the situation can arise at any time. This could also be social anxiety so be careful of that. In any case, losing your cool in a social situation could cause you to become shy as a result. Practice ways to relax by progressively relaxing your muscles, focusing on your breathing or something else or by repeating a phrase to yourself.

4. Find out why you’re shy

Shyness can be caused by an underlying factor (often mental health related) which can induce shyness. Perhaps you struggle with insecurity, social anxiety, introversion (this is not a disorder but still a possible cause), depression or other similar conditions/traits.

The best solution is dealing with these directly. A cure may not be possible overnight but being able to cope and grow past a struggle is very much doable. Do some research online on ways to heal or adapt. Consider speaking to a professional if things don’t improve.

5. Don’t be deterred by embarrassment

Embarrassment can present itself for the most seemingly miniscule or silly reasons. Still, it is one of the biggest reasons people feel shy. If this is an issue for you, remember your embarrassment is most likely caused by something that most people won’t care about or notice.

The spotlight effect can play a big role here. This basically explains that some people will assume others are noticing or paying attention to them more than they actually are. The reality is most of the world around us is not that attentive to us or small details about us. It is important to remind yourself of this in order to control unnecessary embarrassment.

6. Don’t overthink  

What if people don’t like me? What if I annoy them? What if I’m being clingy? These questions or similar ones may go through peoples’ heads in times of shyness. They overthink social interactions and create shyness for themselves. The reality is we are often inaccurately overanalyzing the circumstances and making them more chaotic than they need to be. Just take it easy in social situations. Be natural and be aware of social ques. Being at ease can exude confidence and help control shyness.